Every day, we all encounter people who are grouchy, arrogant or otherwise difficult. No one wants to deal with unpleasant personalities, but they’re available in abundance. There are days when we are guilty too. Although it’s easy to respond with an equally negative retort, it then leaves a bad taste in our mouth and puts a damper on the day. Learning a few techniques for handling difficult people can turn the tide for both parties. Let’s look at some everyday situations, as well as the chronic offenders we all know, to find some diplomatic remedies.
The supermarket presents a panoply of opportunities for handling difficult people. You might consider this venue a good practice ground. Perhaps because of the anonymity offered, people inclined to rudeness let out all the stops here. You’re shopping for a holiday dinner. You pick up a nice ham and start to put it in your cart, when a woman literally snatches it from your hands! It was the last one. What do you say or do? Instead of snatching it back, saying, “Did you grow up in a barn?”, you might try a subtler approach. “Excuse me, I didn’t see your name on this ham. Can you show me?” This actually happened to me. What happened? The woman grew quite red in the face and handed the ham back.
How about the grumpy clerk? It’s clear she’s having a bad day. She’s rude to you. Rather than get on your own high horse, try a little sympathy. “I don’t know how you deal with this job. Your arms must ache from lifting and packing all day, not to mention dealing with the public.” See if you don’t get a chagrined smile and an end to her rudeness.
Handling difficult people requires compassion for whatever makes them that way. Some people are simply never satisfied. There’s that manager who is always disgruntled and always finding fault. Try a small compliment, delivered in the cafeteria line. Be sincere. “That color is very nice on you.” You may be amazed to find a smile in return and a daily “Hi” in future encounters. If the person is still as truculent as ever, you’ve got to realize there’s no helping some people.
Arrogant and egotistical personalities present some of the greatest challenges. Usually, these types have insecurity issues which they believe they cleverly cover up with a better-than-thou attitude. Being sweet may or may not make them lighten up. You can try complimenting them on their strengths, which helps them feel less threatened and more valuable. Over time, if you ignore their arrogance and try to help them feel less threatened, some of these characteristics may abate – at least in their conversations with you.
Generally, handling difficult people in a diplomatic and tactful way, with compassion, may not change them in a day. However, life is a great teacher. Some day, perhaps, but at least you would have started the karma.